It is really urgent and I hope you understand as my friend. Say something like "Yes I really do appreciate you helping me that time, but I am serious when I say I cannot help you today. Say something like "oh yea thank you again for doing that "įor argument: You have to be a little more direct, but again never bring up favors you done for them, then your turn your friendship into a tit for tat one. A favor done for a stranger is also considered free, but one should never expect anything back, you most likely won't :(įor casual talk: Simply ignore the fact that they brought up a past favor. If the friend is a good friend, they will return the favor when you ask for it.
A favor for a friend f95 free#
When I was little I used to care more, but over time I realized a favor done for a friend should be considered a free act of service. My personal experience with this kind of situation is to never fight back unless you want the friendship to possibly suffer. I am a young professional, ethnic Chinese and grew up in USA. Upsetting the other person won't take away their need for whatever they are asking for, and can only hurt your friendship. But if I did find myself in one, listing the favours I have done in the past would not be likely to come up. It's not an obligation or something to be argued over. A favour is freely given because you care for the person and want them to be happy. Me, I am not interested in "friends" who embroil me in an argument over whether or not I will do them a favour. I have only one or two friends so close that I could cancel a doctor appointment to help them move so please don't be offended I won't do it for you. I would normally do this for you, but I've explained I have to be somewhere else. Not sure about the second one though, since you describe her as distant so any assertion of closeness on her part might not be a feeling you share. I know we are the kind of friends who help each other.
In an argument, when someone mentions old favours, you could ask why they mention that, for exampleĪre you saying I owe you? I would normally do this for you, but I've explained I have to be somewhere else. They want you to behave in accordance with that. they are showing you their opinion of the closeness of your relationship: it's one chock-full of favours and helping.
they see these things as transactional: I have helped you x times, you have only helped me y times, you owe me.There are two reasons a person would mention previous favours while asking you for one that you are not agreeing to. Both the person and me are ethnic Chinese in Indonesia. The person never brought up this before, so it's a one-time incident. I'm asking for the general situation (a casual talk), and when in an argument, specifically. How should one respond politely when a friend brings up the favors they've done for you? I kinda regretted that moment, but I really hate when someone brought this topic against me, especially because I would never expect anything when I do favor for them. I've never brought up any favor I've done to anyone, even in a heated argument, but today I broke up that and mentioned a favor I've done for her - which may seems not much in her eyes, but actually costed a great deal for me. She was asking for a small favor that I can't do for her because I need to be in somewhere else (not that I don't want to help her). In this argument, she brought up favors she did for me previously (yes, there were one or two which means very much to me, but I think it's not a big deal for her - I may be wrong, though). A friend of my friend (which makes her a kind of "distant friend") went into an argument with me today.
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